Unique Vintage Catch of the Day: Summer 2017

I can’t keep up with the tomatoes, Michael’s is shelving ghosts and pumpkins, and all The September Issues are about to drop. It’s time for another Catch of the Day mystery box to help Unique Vintage clear out their summer stock! At $20 or less per item, I’m more than happy to oblige.

If you weren’t around for the first Catch go-around, here are the simple parameters. Choose your size and which items you’re interested in, all of which are a mystery: $20 for shoes, $15 bottoms and tops, $25 dresses and $20 swimsuits, plus $5 accessories. I opted for a top, a bottom, a pair of shoes and an accessory because I’m already in the Unique Vintage Dress of the Month mystery game (which is either a revelation or heartbreaking; we’ll see what happens for August soon after a depressing July) and if there’s a humiliation worse than having to try on some mystery swimsuit, then it’s signing up for Sarahah. And I would rather get a root canal in my eyeball.

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Today, the Box of Mystery arrived (along with a Box of Not Mystery, with a special *~fashion surprise~* for Paris! AAAHHHH), and all the anxiety I felt with my Spring box returned. Starting with….

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Oh god. Don’t be flats. Please don’t be flats. If you want to murder me with Plantar Fasciitis, just anonymously ship me a box of cruel ballet flats. At $20 the shoes are my highest risk, and in the last round, my biggest disappointment. I still haven’t figured out those cursed tassel-straps. I AM NOT A GLADIATOR.

Fortunately, this time around, I lucked out with some very versatile T-strap black pumps that are just begging for some pumpkin spice. I couldn’t find this exact pair on the site, but a similar pair was on sale for $29. Ehh.

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Nestled next to the shoebox was my $15 bottom, and I couldn’t have been happier to see that it was made with the same type of fabric as the Amazing Ass Skirt! But in a bright circle style! That will be so easy to wear on sleepy mornings when I give zero fucks if I leave the house for work looking cute (but around the time I’ve drank my coffee hope that I magically ended up that way). I couldn’t find this exact skirt on the site either, but a similar style/fabric was $32.

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Underneath, my big disappointment. Literally. I was a bit on the fence over which size top I should order, and I got scared instead of going with my gut. As a result, I got a basic bitch black cardigan I already have probably 3 of that’s about 2 sizes too large. Coming to a Salvation Army near you! That’s the one Catch of the Catch–final sale, suckers. $28 on the site.

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Ugh. The dowdy. I cannot.

Finally, underneath it all was Mystery Accessory. Suspiciously larger than my big fear, a pair of earrings for my not-pierced ears, I ended up with…

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Another pair of sunglasses! Do they beat the heart-shaped springtime ones? FUCK NO. Those are my favorite sunglasses in the whole wide world. I cling to those things like the Snow White dress I wouldn’t be apart from long enough for my mom to wash when I was 3. Are they a great extra pair for the car that weren’t given to me by the Pabst beer girls at the bar last summer? Hells yeah. $18 on the site.

So for those keeping track at home, that’s $55 plus shipping for $78 plus shipping’s worth of stuff I don’t want to burn. Which isn’t terrible, but I don’t know you guys. I’m getting old. I know what I love, and there are things happening here that I do not love. I don’t think I’m ever going to strike the coat lottery again. It may be time for me to cash out and parlay that same amount of money into something I actually pick out.

But…BOX OF MYSTERY ON YOUR DOORSTEP! The possibilities! The strife! It’s hard to kick that Christmas morning allure.

 

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